English city deters teens with pig dung (SBS)

Alcohol, weed, drugs,
All hoped to be removed with
Spreading of pig-dung.

Go to article.

'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' reboot set to be scrapped (NME)

Buffy put on ice,

Screenwriter slain for shit work,

Film may be slain too.

Go to article.

Bush bandit 'surviving on roo and wombat' (SMH)

Despite large man-hunt,
Wanted man remains concealed,
Raw bush-meat sustains.

Go to article.

Oxford Street stabbing: Teenager dies near sports store (BBC)

Shopping tragedies,

Thousands shocked on Oxford Street

As young men are stabbed.

Go to article.

First Earth-sized planets spotted (BBC)

A so-called Earth-twin,
Planet like ours discovered,
Too much heat for life.

Go to article.

Beyonce's Parents Officially Divorce After Two Years Of Reconciliation Attempts (Taletela)

A cheating husband,
An independent woman,
Now a survivor.

Go to article.

Christmas Video Treat! (Hai-news)

Christmas treat released,
All I want for Christmas is...
Billy James Tusker!

Watch Christmas video!

Ticket inspector stabbed on C2C train from Southend to London (BBC)

Stabbers on a train,
Inspector pays painful fare,
Evader evades.

Go to article.

Opening applauded (Bega District News)

Workability,
Service upgrade for small town,
New pad for old crew.

Go to article.

Michael Jackson's hair to be turned into a roulette ball (NME)

Blood on the table,
Don't matter if black or red,
MJ roulette ball.

Go to article.

Weather London (BBC)

Tomorrow's forecast,
Sunny intervals 6 max,
Blustery showers.

Go to article.

25 'starving' dogs maul owner to death (ABC)

Czech dogs go hungry,
Rottweilers turn on their own,
Immediate death.

Go to article.

New tuition fee system 'may mean fewer scientists' (BBC)

As fees reach for sky,
Costly courses will suffer,
Scientists grounded.

Go to article.

Goodwill on tap: Woman pays others' water bills (msnbc.com)

Anonymous gift,

Water for Thanksgiving joy,

Wonderful gesture.

Go to article.

Justin Bieber collaboration with Mariah Carey in ‘All I Want for Christmas’ video draws criticism (NYDailyNews.com)

Biebs is seventeen,
Mariah is forty one,
Raises questions eh?

Go to article.

Click here for my All I Want For Christmas music video!

Elton John declares new war on AIDS (ABC)

Rocket Man starts war,
Elton detests AIDS stigma,
Fights to end disease.

Go to article.

Gay marriage the big issue at ALP conference (SBS)

For Australia,
Labor to back gay marriage,
It's time to vote change.

Go to article.

Rihanna throws a wobbla (The Sun)

Don't stop the music,

Rihanna almost 'man down',

Queen B the mentor.

Go to article.

Federer wins record sixth ATP Tour Final (SMH)

ATP Final,
Federer holds off Tsonga,
Season ending high.

Go to article.

Man with a ring stuck on his penis had to be cut free by 10 firefighters (Metro)

Dial 999,
Man needs freeing from cock-ring,
Firemen not pleased.

Go to article.

Robotic prison wardens to patrol South Korean prison (BBC)

New world robot use,
Prisons go techno-logic,
RoboCop for real.

Go to article.

Kylie Minogue to be inducted into ARIA Hall of Fame (music-news.com)

From Neighbours she came,
Can't get  her out of our heads,
Miss Minogue honoured.

Go to article.

Elephants may be saved by fear of bees (ABC)

Big elephant wimps,

Win-win way to protect land,

Farm bees and scare herds.

Go to article.

Complaints about M&S handbag that 'smells of fish' (Telegraph)

Someone found Nemo?
Some fishy smells in new bags,
M&S stinker.

Go to article.

Philip Morris sues Australia over cigarette packaging (BBC)

Phillip Morris sues,
Plain packaging for Oz smokes,
Marketing nightmare.

Go to article.

Hai-news returns!

Sorry for the break,
Shit got real for a while there,
But Hai-News is back!

Go to article.

Sir Paul McCartney marries US heiress Nancy Shevell (BBC)

Troubles far away,
Beatle marries for third time,
All you need is love.

Go to article.

Teen falls out of car during lovers' tiff (SMH)

Teen hospitalized,

No 'hands-free' for lovers' tiff,
Love really does hurt.

Go to article.

Canadian man friended by thousands from 4,800 messages in a bottle (msnbc)

Social networking,
Bottles thrown into the sea,
Um, littering much?

Go to article.

Tony Bennett makes US chart history (ABC)

Sixty year career,
His heart in San Fransisco,
Bennet tops US.

Go to article.

Powerful Typhoon Nesat hits Philippines (BBC)

At least seven killed,
Strong winds, rain, and crushing floods,
Philippines typhoon!

Go to article.

Match abandoned in Uruguay after linesman is hit with a roll of paper (Telegraph.co.uk)

Crowd problems persist,
Linesman papered to the ground!
Ouch, a paper cut.

Go to article.

Michael Jackson's kids set for reality show? (music-news.com)

Jackson kids thriller,
Don't stop til you get enough,
New reality.

Go to article.

Seven dead as Taliban target US embassy (SBS)

'Cowardly attack,'
Gunman with suicide vests,
Kabul still unsafe.

Go to article.

US Open 2011: Samantha Stosur shocks Serena Williams to take first major (Guardian)

Stosur dominates,
Serena's fury on show,
Aussie grand slam win!

Go to article.

States move to stop deadly pigeon virus (ABC)

Pigeon carriers,
Deadly new virus could spread,
Keep your birds at home.

Go to article.

Adele's 21 breaks ten million mark (music-news.com)

Rolling in the green,
21 sales pass 10 mil,
Another landmark.

Go to article.

Child sexual predators known to parents (SMH)

Oz sex-abused kids,
Fifty-nine thousand each year,
Too frightened to tell.

Go to article.

Endangered species set for stem cell rescue (BBC)

Rhinos and the Drill,
Biology to their aid,
Stem cell survival.

Go to article.

Anyone lost a foot? (SBS)

Washed up on a beach,
Separated by water,
Human foot is found.

Go to article.

Green Day singer ejected from flight (ABC)

Green Day ejected,
American idiot,
Flies low with pants low.

Go to article.

Makers of Nurofen Plus recall all remaining stock (BBC)

'Antipsychotic',
UK Nurofen recalled,

Sabotage fears rise.

Go to article.

74 dead in Iraq's deadliest day in a year (SBS)

Twelve cities attacked,
Seventy-four people dead,
Iraq violence surge.

Go to article.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez immortalised in nude sculpture (Guardian)

Bieber and Gomez,
Artists subject bronzed and bare,
Forever as one.

Go to article.

Meagher gets Madame Tussauds treatment (ABC)

Hold me in your arms,
Madame Tussauds in Sydney,
Alf Stewart in wax.

Go to article.

England riots: Clean-up as England riots spread (BBC)

Death by car for three,

Riots spread beyond London,

"Unprecedented."

Go to article.

Hundreds of thousands turn out for Gay Pride in Amsterdam (AFP)

"All Together Now,"

Canals paraded with floats,

Amsterdam gay pride.

Go to article.

No time for celebrating as AGT winner Jack Vidgen gets straight to work (Telegraph)

Jack (Bieber) Vidgen,
Australian talent star,
Records his debut.

Go to article.

Clubs reveal all in BBC Sport Price of Football survey (BBC)

Cheap tea in Crawley,
High-priced pies in Arsenal,
The costs of football.

Go to article.

Australian woman sues over sponge left inside her for 15 years (Telegraph)

Miss Sponge-Bob-Squarepants,
Sues Doctor for negligence,
Fifteen years soaked up.

Go to article.

Serena Williams eases past Maria Sharapova in California quarter-final (BBC)

Don't mess with the Queen,
Serena smashed Maria,
Eyes on the final.

Go to article.

Spicks tunes up for Specktacular hurrah (SMH)

Spicks and Specks farewell,
Music quiz show live on stage,
A loved Aussie gem.

Go to article.

Billy gets tired and goes to bed (Hai-news)

I can't be bothered,

All the news is dead today,

I'm going to bed.

Go to article.

Man jailed for wife's brutal hammer murder (The Age)

As children plea stop,
Man kills his wife with hammer,
Twenty-two years jail.

Go to article.

Dolphin hunts with electric sense (BBC)

Dolphins on the hunt,
Electric fields seek out prey,
Electrifying.

Go to article.

Blanchett auctions herself for charity (ABC)

For youth charity,
Lunch with star to be auctioned,
Cate under hammer.

Go to article.

Amy Winehouse found dead, aged 27 (BBC)

Amy 'Back to Black',
Gifted musician found dead,
Aged twenty-seven.

Go to article.

Cadel Evans to be Australia's first Tour de France winner (The Australian)

Ride to remember,
An Aussie takes the yellow,
Evans wins in France!

Go to article.

Suspect confirms responsibility for attacks on Norway (SMH)

Ninety-four are dead,
Explosions and mass shooting,
Man admits cruel acts.

Go to article.

Hinch sentenced to home detention (ABC)

Guilty of contempt,
Two weeks after surgery,
Hot-talker is gagged.

Go to article.

UN to declare famine in parts of drought-hit Somalia (BBC)

Children malnourished,
Worst seen drought in fifty years,
Famine is declared.

Go to article.

World Cup final sets Twitter record (ABC)

World tweets for football,
New 'tweets per second' record,
Japan win World Cup!

Go to article.

Lost US love letter delivered 53 years late (SBS)

Love declaration,
Received 53 years late,
A lifetime gone by.

Go to article.

Carmageddon: Los Angeles 'averts traffic gridlock' (BBC)

Near 'carmageddon',
Fears Aerosmith might sing rose,
Gridlock averted.

Go to article.

J Lo and Marc Anthony announce divorce (ABC)

If Marc had her love...
She's still Jenny from the block,
Though their marriage ends.

Go to article.

Katy Perry insists she sounds like a Smurf (music-news.com)

Sing that cartoon tune,
Perry plays Smurfette in film,
No acting required.

Go to article.

US, Japan to clash in final (SBS)

US chicks can score,
Japanese women have balls,
Who will win World Cup?

Go to article.

Screaming match confronts Julia Gillard on visit to Brisbane shops (news.com.au)

In Green House climate,
PM defends carbon tax,
'Lies' spark screaming match.

Go to article.

Last day at work for Billy Tusker (Hai-news)

HUGE loss for Sensis,

HUGE contributor resigns,

Such a huge ego ;)

Go to article.

Top 10 deadliest animals on the planet (The Telegraph)

5. lion 4. shark,
3. jelly fish 2. cobra,
1. the mosquito.

Go to article.

Victoria and David Beckham have named their newborn daughter Harper Seven (music-news.com)

A new baby spice,
Harper Seven delivered,
Beckhams united.

Go to article.

Shuttle Atlantis docks with space station for last time (BBC)

On its last journey,
Shuttle docks at ISS,
End of an era.

Go to article.

Fans, stars say farewell to Harry Potter (ABC)

Muggles wait in line,
World of wizardry to end,
Last Potter film screens.

Go to article.

Justin Bieber is a bust as magazine cover boy (news.com.au)

Baby, baby, no,
Bieber cover sales chart low,
Never say never.

Go to article.

Rare-Earth Reserves Are Found on Pacific Ocean Floor (WSJ)

A sea mud resource,
Rare-earth minerals found deep,
Extraction challenge.

Go to article.

Australia's NSW police get new burka powers (BBC)

New law is enforced,
'Clarity and certainty',
Show face or face jail.

Go to article.

Cornwall wedding vending machine wins global interest (BBC)

Weddings made easy,
Marriage vended for one pound,
Press '1' for 'I do'.

Go to article.

Decapitated corpses dumped at Mexican newspapers (Telegraph)

Extreme threat message,
Men dumped at newspaper doors,
Decapitated.

Go to article.

Woman charged after kissing preacher at gay pride event (msnbc.com)

Lip-smacked at gay pride,
Preacher claims simple assault,
Preachers should stay home.

Go to article.

Researchers develop paint-on solar cells (ABC)

Paint your house solar,
Liquid suspends tiny cells,
Save Earth and save dough.

Go to article.

Singer Annie Lennox collects OBE for charity work (BBC)

Aid work recognised,
Lennox receives O.B.E.,
Sweet dreams made of this.

Go to article.

Toe Wrestling Championships take place (Sky News)

Best feet put forward,
World's best toe wrestlers step up,
'Predatoe' claims win.

Go to article.

Beyonce's epic climax to Glasto (The Sun)

Irreplaceable,
Beyonce's set runs the world,
Glastonbury in love.

Go to article.

Tomic stuns Soderling (SBS)

Game on Wimbledon,
Fifth seed upset in third round,
Last Aussie standing.

Go to article.

Brain study confirms stress of life in the city (SMH)

City folk at risk,
Brain reactions to stress proved,
Country peace of mind.

Go to article.

Lost Penguin in New Zealand Has to Find Its Own Way Home (abc International)

Penguin makes wrong turn,
Nature left to take it's course,
Happy feet phone home.

Go to article.

Chile volcano ash causes renewed air chaos in Australia (BBC)

Chile ash returns,
Cloud travels round world and back,
Flights halted again.

Go to article.

Man who quit college in 1932 graduates — at 99 (Today)

An eight-decade wait,
A Great Depression drop-out,
A degree now earned.

Go to article.

Springsteen sax man Clemons dies (ABC)

Clemons suffers stroke,
Forty years in E Street Band,
R.I.P. 'Big Man'.

Go to article.

U2 confirmed as richest rockers (music-news.com)

With or without you,
Proud in the name of money,
U2 earn top spot.

Go to article.

US vows to 'capture and kill' Ayman al-Zawahiri (BBC)

US hunt-to-kill,
Al-Quaeda leader announced,
War will continue.

Go to article.

Girls, 13 and 14, jailed for poison cookie death of boy at their school (SMH)

Biscuits kill school boy,
Teen girls try poison rivals,
Messenger is 'shot'.

Go to article.

Natalie Portman welcomes a son with fiancé Benjamin Millepied (Daily Mail)

Portman gains new role,
The Swan Queen spawns cygnet Prince,
Vegan days are gone.

Go to article.

Nepal declared free of mines five years after civil war (BBC)

Last minefield destroyed,
A milestone on road to peace,
Still long way to go.

Go to article.

Palfrey sets ocean swim record (ABC)

In shark-filled waters,
Over forty hours swam,
New swim record set.

Go to article.

Tyson, Tszyu inducted into Hall of Fame (ABC)

Boxing legends praised,
Great fights there for all to chew,
Mike the main event.

Go to article.

Grandmother gets eviction notice for gang activity (9news)

No gang bang Grandma,
Landlord wrongly points finger,
Nan could be forced out.

Go to article.

Katy Perry gives Rebecca Black another shot at viral fame (The Arizona Republic)

Friday all but gone,
Katy Perry brings Black back,
We so excited!

Go to article.

Citibank confirms hacking attack (BBC)

Another hacking,
Private details compromised,
As wars move on-line.

Go to article.

Kill a camel, claim a carbon credit (Herald Sun)

New Oz carbon plan,
Cull camels to cull methane,
Could mines be culled first?

Go to article.

Titanic II sinks on maiden voyage (ABC)

No icebergs in sight,
Yet Titanic II still sinks,
Her heart will go on.

Go to article.

US congressman admits crotch pics (SBS)

Weiner shares weiner,
Shows his balls with admission,
Still has funny name.

Go to article.

French Open: Rafael Nadal beats Roger Federer to win title (BBC)

Roger fed a serve,
Nadal claims sixth French Open,
His tenth grand-slam win.

Go to article.

Chile: Puyehue volcano chain erupts, forcing evacuation (BBC)

Smoke and ash clouds rise,
Evacuations ordered,
A region erupts.

Go to article.

Shania Twain gets Hollywood star (ABC)

From this moment on,
Shania always a star,
Surely now impressed.

Go to article.

The Village People To Judge Bestival Fancy-Dress Competition (NME)

Fancy-dress Gurus

Hold lifetime of joy in hand

Judgement Day is nigh.

Go to article.

Spain furious at cucumber slurs (SBS)

Sick of the food fight,
Spain proves their vegetables good,
Still E-coli spreads.

Go to article.

Bieber's Blue Blood: JB Signs Deal With Middleton Family

Future Queen-Mum sells
Justin Bieber Party Kit!
Like, majorly Squeeeeee!!! ^________^

Go to article.

Bjork's New Album To Be Released With IPad App For Every Song (musicnews.com)

"Biophilia"

Released as app and album

Industry's future?

Go to article.

Russian man dies burying himself alive (Telegraph UK)

Aim: test endurance,
Procedure: bury yourself,
Result: foolish man.

Go to article.

East 17 Reunite!

In the house of love,

Original bad-boy band,

Stay another day!

Go to article.

Hobbit movie names are announced (BBC)

Frodo will return,
Two new Lord Of The Rings films,
Hobbit is the word.

Go to article.

Global carbon emissions reach record, says IEA (BBC)

A new 'wake-up call',
World emissions rise again,
Bold action needed.

Go to article.

Music's Awesome Power! (Live Science)

Scientist named Poo.

Amazing discovery:

Fish do got rhythm!

Go to article.

Friendly Fires "Hurting" Live Premiere (JJJ)

Live, World Premiere,

Friendly Fires' track "Hurting,"

Some iffy dance-moves.

Go to article.

NZ man realises dream with jetpack flight (ABC)

A bird or a plane?
Crash-dummy reaches new heights,
Next step human flight.

Go to article.

Barcelona 3 - 1 Man Utd (BBC)

A fine victory,
Barca win champions league,
United broken.

Go to article. 

Wife's body 'in freezer for 10 years' (SKY)

Dead woman hidden,
A cold husband benefits,
Wife the ice maiden.

Go to article.

Justin Bieber Outraged As New Strain of Marijuana Named "JB Kush" (NME)

Bieber's Cranky-Pants

Tighten as new strain of Pot

Is named after him

Go to article

Captured Mladic in Serbian court (BBC)

Mladic arrested,
Facing genocide charges,
An important day.

Go to article.

Oprah bows out after 25 years (ABC)

For twenty five years,
Oprah has been talk show queen,
Now she says goodbye.

Go to article.

Obama blends ceremony with diplomacy in the United Kingdom (CNN)

A fine day for tea,
Obama meets with the Queen,
Enduring links praised.

Go to article.

Libya unrest: UK and France to send helicopters - Paris (BBC)

From Britain and France,
Helicopters will deploy,
Target: Gaddafi.

Go to article.

New flight chaos fears after volcano eruption (SBS)

Black ash fills the air,
Iceland volcano erupts,
Europe watches skies.

Go to article.

Australian actor Bill Hunter dies, aged 71 (BBC)

Fifty years of films,
Bill Hunter dies of cancer,
An Aussie icon.

Go to article.